Of Blogs and Oranges..

This is a rave. And a rant. And any other name you might want to give to the activity where somebody’s jumping up and down on the spot, clenching her fists and screaming with rage. So seriously, things are so bad that I wish I had rage issues, just so I could pull a Rachel Bilson and say, “Don’t mess with me, Cohen, I have rage blackouts.” Okay, I’m calm. I’m taking deep breaths. But to those of you who’re still reading this, could you please, for the love of God and all things sane, tell me how to get rid of those incredibly annoying telemarketers!
My current phone number used to be my Mom’s before I got it. You see, I’d lost my phone (yet again!) and I was using her phone temporarily, but she kept using her work phone so I decided to keep this one. Big mistake. Stupid Citibank people keep calling for her. Fine. You didn’t know about the new number. I get it. I politely give you the new number, a whole of 344534 times. But you call again. And again. And again and again while I’m trying to keep my cool at work and bother me with questions like, “Is this Mrs Gupta?” No, you fucking retards, like I told you a million times before, this is not Mrs Gupta! This is her DAUGHTER. The person you call and harass a million times a day, remember?
So one day I got really pissed off and told them to actually USE their extensive database which tells them to call me at the exact time I’m having a bath/ in the middle of a phone call/ doing work, and change the Goddamn number. And they listen to me go on and on and you know what they say? “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, Ms Gupta.” What the fuck? Stop being sorry for the bloody inconvenience and do something about it!
And to make matters worse is JustDial. I call them occasionally for numbers that I need, right? And every time they ask me for my details and I very obligingly give it to them. Sure, you need to expand your database. Before giving me the number, they ask me if I want an instant SMS or an email notification, and I say no thank you, just give me the number instead. But you know what – I still get the messages and emails! And when I ask them why they don’t take note of me telling them I don’t want a notification, they say that’s just the way the system is. Again, what the fuck? What is the bloody point of wasting your breath asking me what I want (or don’t, in this case) and then doing whatever the fuck you want anyway?
Aarrghh… I’m so pissed off I could scream! Oh wait, I think I’ve done that already…
 

Which one of the following is definitely true?

• Mice love cheese. (Circa 1800)
• HIV causes AIDS. (Circa 1984)
• The Sun revolves around the Earth. (Circa 1634)

One? Actually, none of the above are known to be definitely true. These are all ‘facts’ that have been globally accepted at one time or the other, without definitive evidence either for or against. In fact, these could even be outright lies.

Let’s start with the mice. A mouse is a generic term for any rodent from the Muridae, Heteromyidae, Cricetidae, and Zapodidae families, which is omnivorous, and is generally found in forests, savannahs, grasslands and rocky habitats . Cheese is a solid preparation made by curdling and acidifying milk. Milk is a liquid secreted by the mammary glands of female mammals. If a mouse manages to naturally acquire cheese in the wild, surely it must be one of the hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional variety! Yet, when one thinks of a mouse eating, one automatically thinks of cheese.

If you must know, cheese began to be associated with mice was because no other food blends as nicely with rat-poison, and the smell of the cheese masks the odour of poison when used in a mousetrap.

HIV and AIDS are used interchangebly today. But did you know that HIV is only one of the suspected causes of AIDS, and while it is generally accepted that HIV causes AIDS, this has never been scientifically proven? And that AIDS as defined, is a collection of diseases and symptoms. And that a person can suffer from all the diseases and symptoms defined as AIDS without carrying HIV in his body? By definition, he won’t be said to have AIDS.

Yet, a person carrying HIV who suffers from a few of the symptoms will be said to have AIDS.

People seem to have an innate need for authority, for a command to follow and a rule to obey, a creed to adopt and an icon to look up to. All that’s fine, as long as you remember the reason for authority – better co-operation in human endeavours. Any other reason for authority is just another excuse for bullying. 

What’s rather scary is the propensity of people to accept authority unquestioningly. As has been proved in the Milgram Experiment [see 'The Perils of Obedience', brief version.] and the Stanford Prison Experiments, people don’t seem to mind extrapolating the validity of authority and precept to situations where this is wholly unjustified. (Unfortunately, my impromptu experiment in this regard was cut short because of the same reason the Stanford experiments were – a partner unsympathetic to the cause.)

As Milgram concluded, “The legal and philosophic aspects of obedience are of enormous importance, but they say very little about how most people behave in concrete situations. [...] The extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority constitutes the chief finding of the study and the fact most urgently demanding explanation.”

Can misuse of authority be equated to solicitation on the part of the authority itself? I am not qualified to make an informed judgement on this, but my best guess would be that it is an inchoate crime. I’m also neglecting any effects of the doctrine of merger here; that is left as an exercise to the reader.

A little bit of distrust is okay, if not downright necessary. Why should you trust this article, even? The real reason cheese began to be associated with mice was because no other food had the required firmness and elasticity to be used in a spring-loaded mousetrap. Food in mousetraps isn’t usually poisoned. If you’re using poison, why use a trap? And then, mice don’t even like cheese. They seem to prefer cornflakes.

Quick, who was the first man in space?

This month two years ago:

• I was fucking broke.
• I was fucking heartbroken.
• I was fucking mad.
• I was fucking stupid.
• I was fucking self-destructive.
• I was fucking smelly.
• I was fucking reculsive.
• I was fucking moody.
• I was fucking interesting.
• I was fucking lazy.
• I was cleaning up my language.

 How things change. Or not.

American Idol is the news these days, and how! First with AI reject Jennifer Hudson basking in the glory of her Oscar for Best Supporting Actress (I wonder how much of her glow can be attributed to smugness though. It’s not many people who get the best of Simon Cowell!) And then for the huge ‘Down with Sanjaya’ thingy that’s making headlines (jeez! What has the news come to?) over the world.
I think the season where Carrie Underwood won AI was the last one I followed avidly. Seriously, I was like an AI junkie; no one in the house dared to talk to me or even drop a pin when I was watching. I must admit, a lot of my craziness was ‘cuz of the incredibly hot Constantine Maro-something. I pretty much lost interest in the show after that, although I do watch snippets here and there if nothing else catches my fancy. (My current obsession is Hannah ‘look at me hamming it for the camera’ Montana. Just so you know…)
This time around though, I don’t think I can avoid AI if I tried. Whenever I log onto MSN or Yahoo or something, there’s always something or the other about AI and Sanjaya scrolling along the bottom of my screen. MY GOD! People need to get lives, I tell you! For a nation that’s quite ruthlessly and egotistically plundering all the world’s resources and painting the world in red, blue and white, the Americans are obsessively well, obsessed with Sanjaya – some of them love, some of ‘em don’t, but they just can’t stop talking about him.
His looks and his voice aren’t stellar by any means, but they aren’t spleen-tearingly bad either. In my opinion, this year’s Idols are mediocre at best, and this is something that shines through after watching just five minutes of the show. Sanjaya might not be that good, but none of them are. Maybe he was chosen because he’s brown, because he’s an underdog, or because of sheer talent (with competitions swinging the way they are these days, one can never tell!)
Anyway, I don’t know what everyone is complaining about. Simon’s threatening to give AI a skip next year if Sanjaya gets crowned, but dude! You were one of the three jackasses who chose him in the first place. And as for the American populace – if you don’t like him, don’t vote for him. Simple. Starving yourself to get him kicked out is just a pathetic excuse on your part to get rid of that baby fat by taking to anorexia. You want someone else to win, vote for them. A couple cents here and there won’t kill you. If anything, you’ll be spending that much less on cheeseburgers, and let’s admit it, the cows you eat have nothing on you in terms of weight.
So what am I beating around the bush for and trying to say? If your favourites get voted out instead of Sanjaya, it means more people like him than hate him. Either that, or his fans are rake thin already and are spending their allowance on voting for him.
In the end though, the producers of AI must be laughing their way to the bank. Their marketing gimmick has really paid off. After all, they had me going on and on and on about AI for the last 8534070 pages, no?